enough healing, manifesting and deconstructing: it’s time to choose creation
"It is no measure of good faith to sit around and pretend what you say and what you do isn’t the fruit of your own spirit."
there’s a significant cost that comes with building.
specifically building a fortress around your heart, mind and body. whether it’s subconscious or a radical “this is the last time i’ll ever allow this shit to happen to me ” type of conscious decision making - this action requires loads of energy.
you walk through life with this top-notch security system that you so intelligently built around your mistakes, fears and experiences.
no matter how sophisticated this system is, when a painful break-up happens, your entire system flashes red. and you’re cracked open.
all of a sudden, you crumble.
as a proud spiritual-intellectual, the hidden cost of leaving my system up to “positivism” and the zero-accountability “they clearly have a problem and i don’t” settings were high.
well, that and also, handing off my emotions to cannabis probably didn’t help either.
i prided myself on being a productive girlboss creating under-stress: taking it through yoga & pilates, then sipping my matcha & spirulina as a reward for journaling & meditating ever since i was 15 years old. AND, i wasn’t just your regular tik-tok self-proclaimed spiritual girl! no, i stayed true to my virgo sun — i didn’t own crystals or did tarot — i was waay above that, thank you so much.
i went deeper than astrology. i gravitated towards astronomy, physics, philosophy, economics, epistemology… i would watch 3-hour lectures, attempting to grasp deep metaphysical, intellectual concepts on a random Tuesday night instead of watching the latest Netflix hit.
all that to say, i wasn’t “woo-woo”. i was a down-to-earth jail-breaking woo-hoo.
deconstructing every thought, beliefs and feelings of everyone and everything. explaining why people do what they do. i was different. (don’t let the self-deprecating fool you, it did get me here today…)
still, all that “high-vibrational” energy and my system couldn’t handle money & romantic partners on a truly deep, grounded, vulnerable level. for the life of me, i couldn’t understand how somebody brilliant like me couldn’t figure out WHY these two things were the HARDEST FREAKING THINGS EVER?
why couldn’t i get around manifesting THESE low-vibrational things?
when my 3 year-old romantic relationship ended, my security system broke down. it made me realize that i wasn’t just avoiding my emotions.
i had used up so much of my time, my energy to stay frozen in the a fortress around the very part of me that holds together my truth, intelligence, and power to realize anything.
my body.
more precisely, my nervous system.
this post isn’t about heartbreak.
it’s about the way you built your security system and how it prevents you from manifesting the things you desperately want to create.
it’s not that “it’s just impossible“ to get.
or that you’re delusional or wrong for being the way you are.
it’s that you’ve been taught to add strokes to your canvas to paint a world where you believe it is.
let me show you what happens when you free yourself from the fortress you built.